I’m not even going to try touching on the subject of love. But I found this quote, and I just thought that it says so much by saying so little.
Look at what you’ve done today, not what you will be getting out of the day. This is me dumbing out a beautiful quote, for myself of course. Everything becomes daunting when you think of achievements rather than growth. Honing a growth mentality pushes us to make the journey towards our goals, and focus on bettering ourselves.
I’ve been starting each day with a “What am I able to do today”, rather than “What do I have to do today”. To be able to do anything in itself is a privilege that comes out of living life (this is the profound, existential me talking). By beginning my day this way, gives me the power over what I hope to accomplish instead of what needs to be done. Obviously there are certain things that need attention (health, parents, dogs), but imagine saying
“I am able to do my chores today”
“I have to do my chores today”
One gives us control over the day and views the option of doing chores as a willing and freeing action, as if you have the privilege of doing chores. The other sounds like a nag.
To be honest I’m just dreading doing my chores.
We all have that one relationship we second guess, yet they’re someone that never leaves our life. No matter what you have done, no matter where you will be, they’ll be right there with you, enjoying the ride in their own way.
I have been given the overused advice of “just get over them”. As if I haven’t tried. How am I truly able to get over someone when they’re so ingrained into my life? Some people are not meant to be forgotten, let go, pushed off from the edge of your life. Changing them will never work. You know because you’ve tried. As much as they have hurt you, they have also brought blinding joy.
Therefore as much as we try to leave them behind, we come to terms with them. With their difficult habits, attitudes, behaviours. Life would not be the same without them, even if sometimes it becomes much too difficult with them. When you let go of the desire to change others, you’re finally able to take a deep breath. No more worrying about what would make someone easier to be with, and instead thinking about everything they’ve done to make you want to be with them.
Also this quote was from Judy Blume’s, Summer Sisters, for anyone wondering
165 million years is quite a big number when you compare it to the measly 5-7 million years ago when the first humans began to walk the earth. Homo Sapiens appeared only 200,000 years ago, and the industrial revolution started 200 years. Social media generation? Probably these last 20 years.
Why the random evolution weariness? Modern day life on earth is so recent, that our existence is a speck of dust in the evolution time line.
Figuring out my life has been the most invading thought for many of my years, probably since I got the ability to think into the future. But when you place life into perspective, it’s so minuscule. I don’t mean to be a debby downer, life is beautiful yet nightmarish (is that less debby downer?), but the thought of the smallness of our life takes takes off the pressure off my future. Suddenly my life isn’t about doing something grande, filled with absolute purpose, meaning, and passion. But rather, it is a life that I can do with it what I choose to do with it, without the chains of responsibility and duty to be more. Being in a culture that constantly craves more, it’s not hard to be swept away with the greedy temptations of constantly asking for more.
Here I am feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel relieved to know humans haven’t outlived the dinosaurs. Infinity seems forever, and knowing life is finite and minuscule makes decisions that much easier. Is this pessimism, realism, or optimism? I’d like to think its a mix of all three.
Finally finished a book in my quarantine journey, The World That We Know by Alice Hoffman. Usually I’m not a novel person, I like mystery, excitement, otherworldly creatures coming to destroy the human race, but sometimes a good novel just opens your eyes to all that you could potentially love. The story is about 3 girls trying to survive the Nazi regime. I know, extremely captivating summary, but I won’t go into too much detail like some trailers that give away the entire storyline.
One of the girl hoping to run away from her mediocre life begins to explain her desire to leave by stating,
“I’m too young to feel this ordinary”Alice Hoffman. The World That We Know.
I am too young to feel this ordinary. When did life become this ordinary, and was it always supposed to happen this fast. I thought there would be more adventures, more unpleasant surprises, more random late nights that end with sitting underneath the stars wrapped in a blanket. Yet here I am, already somewhere I don’t want to be.
The world that we know is so easily changed by the people around us, the experiences we have. But to really make a change, we need to step outside of the sheltered life we lead and become a little more of who we were always meant to be. I am ready to make the changes I need, to become a little less ordinary. Life is more fun when it’s challenged, right?
I recently went on a date (QUARANTINE date, please no judgements), and I had a lovely time. We talked about random everything to nothing and before I knew it was 3 hours. I recapped this experience to my inquiring friends during a constructive break down session of the date, and one replied that this was a “Good Sign”.
A Good Sign. I heard that and I started wondering, what is this a good sign for? Is it a good sign that he’s a good person that can maintain conversation and therefore will be able to keep conversation in a relationship? Or does the lack of boredom in those 3 hours signify that potential future dates or relationships will not be boring either. It may be a silly phrase to over think, “it was a good sign”, but it’s a phrase that can highlight so much about the future, a future that I may or may not want.
By looking for signs we’re taking ourselves away from the present moment. Wondering if what happened in the date was good enough for a future prevents us from feeling the excitement of just meeting someone fun to talk to. The beauty of a date is the unknown of what will be next, not planning for what will be next. This is the time to learn about the person, just for the sake of learning, like we did in school (hahaha).
But who am I kidding, the first thing I do when meeting someone is look for signs. Good signs, bad signs, mediocre signs. Signs to show whether he’s a future man, or future best man.. at my wedding.. with my other future man. This was a little rant to remind myself to separate from the labels, and just be in the moment with this person that can mean everything or nothing.
When did a friendship turn into the last ship someone wants to be on? No one wants to be in the friend zone anymore, depicting it as enemy terrian to be avodied at all costs. If anyone were hit with the words ” I think we should be friends”, all of a sudden we are saluting them goodbye, and appluading them for their fruitless efforts of gianing something more than what htey were offered. Sure you didn’t get the loving, adoring, jealousy inducing relationship, but is a friendhsip so bad?
Friendships have less stress, less worries. You’re enjoying their company, learning about them. As you learn more about them, slowly you learn something you don’t agree with, but thats ok because they’re your friends, and having completely opposing opinions is not the end of the road. The beauty of friendships allows us be with each other without the worry of “where is this going”. Theres no denying the power that a significant other has on us, but that doesn’t mean we should disregard the beauty of a simple friendship. It brings forth love in its purest form.
There are good ships, and wood ships, ships that sail the sea, but the best ships are friendships, may they always be.No idea
I know.. this quote. But I like my quotes like I like my pizza, extra cheesy. Doesn’t it also perfectly capture the complete point of this blog? Honestly I have nothing more to say for this quote, I just really wanted to add it in because every sundae deserves sprinkles on top of the mound of ice cream.
There was a time when I didn’t want to reach out to others about my personal problems because
- I didn’t need help solving them (presumptuous I know)
- I didn’t want people knowing too much
- I didn’t want to bother them
Looking back, I see how self debilitating these views were. They prevented me from connecting, from intimacy, from vulnerability. There were so many times that I felt I could/ should reach out to someone, but I couldn’t bring myself to let go of my restrictive views to even start a conversation. I have some amazing friends, and I know if I ever were to open up, they would welcome me with open arms, feet, hands, toes, yet I still found myself closed off.
But then you realize that everyone has a need to be needed. I love to be needed. If a friend begins to unload their emotional baggage, I am happily sitting there with my baggage cart. For me to believe that I am the only one that feels joy in appeasing another’s suffering, makes me a contradiction, maybe even self- centred. Do I believe I am the only one that cares? Am I the only that that genuinely feels good from seeing others feel good?
When you realize your friends actually want to be there for you, are more than happy to see you happy, it’s easier to share little bits of yourself.
The Friends TV show has always been one of my favourite series. If you don’t know the show, it follows a group of 7 friends through the ups and downs of life. Their jobs are jokes, they’re broke, and their love life’s DOA. But every time I rewatch the series (and thats so often I’ve lost count), I realize how amazing Phoebe is.
Her past does not control her future. For all those that know Phoebe, know that she did not have the best of pasts. With tragedy after tragedy, and at one point living in a box with her sister, she never dictates her life based on her past. She actively pursues her passions, whether it be guitar singing, supporting animal rights, hoping to bring world peace by giving people massages, with a fiery spunk. Phoebe takes her past and uses it as fuel to change the future, and do good in the world. She is the last person to complain about her situation, and the first person to help those in need.
Phoebe lives off hope. She is who we should be looking up to. Her past does not define her, but is just a part of her, just like all other experiences in life.
So who’s your favourite friends character?
I took a deep breath as I felt weights remove themselves from my shoulder. I was never really one with a deep burning passion. Growing up I was ambivalent about where i wanted to go, what i wanted to be. Days would pass by where I would just zone out thinking “What is my passion?”. Then I watched this video “Stop searching for your passion” by Terri Trespicio, and I put my burning need to search for a passion on hold.
Watching this video, I realized how much of a passion drive culture we live in. We constantly hear magazines, self help books, and social media telling us to follow our dreams, to do what we love the most. As Terri Trespicio highlighted, why are we taught to believe that we have only one passion, and we are supposed to find it and follow it through? This could be the same thing as saying theres only one person out therefor you, you’ll only truly fall in love once. If there are plenty of fish in the sea, why can’t there be plenty of stars for you to reach?
Sometimes the reason to pursue a goal, or start anything new, is not based on a passion driven craze, but rather a desire to just do. We can’t wait around to figure out our passion before we can start pursuing anything, otherwise I’d still be at home not getting off my couch (which sometimes I do). As Terri’s mom said,
You don’t create your life first and then live it. You create it by living it.